Failure at the Starting Line?

20^th April 2023.

Now that the launch of Friend of Note has come & gone, it is time to create new content, to build upon the dream that I have for this little brand. Big-ish dreams! As of now, we are but a tiny seed planted in an immense garden, and it is my plan that this blog will capture our growth. All the sunshine and all the rain. Will it be fun? Yes! Think scrapped illustrations, idea development, recommendations and perhaps even a video or two – if I pluck up the nerve –

…

9^th May 2023.

It’s been almost three weeks since I wrote those words, yet I admit the above zest no longer rings true to my ears. The desire to write & to share has vanished as the reality of a creative business revealed itself. Truth be told, the perfectionist in me wants to scrap the whole project and try afresh in a future where my own day-to-day existence doesn’t feel so flimsy and confused. (If such a time exists).

Before the launch, I naively believed I was creating something people would appreciate as a bit of fun, something cheap & cheerful. A project that would allow me to experiment as I have always done but instead of giving things away, to try build up a little pocket money. Justification for the time I was whittling happily away.

It turns out, I somewhat mis-read the room. It’s a tad embarrassing that I was naïve to worry that I might not have enough stock to meet demand, so for a fortnight, I have been feeling the deep pink flush of disillusionment. So much so, that I sat down and wrote a post elaborating on this disappointment, frustration & resentment. Inarguably, I’ve been indulging in a very tedious woe-is-me narrative. Yet, woe is NOT me.

For one, I was offered a sticker commission yesterday! That certainly must count for some success? I’ve also created a brand new sticker sheet that I plan to launch tomorrow – illustrations that bred a slightly different style to the first collection, one that I am quite pleased with. So, why was I tempted to poison your inbox with churlish negativity? That’s certainly not what you signed up for! (Or least, I hope you didn’t because that was far from my intention. :P ) Perhaps, I have only made two sales thus far, but heck that’s TWO SALES! In itself, this is a first for me!

If I continue to reinforce my life-long concern that creativity is a waste of time, inevitably I will fail. Friend of Note sprung from the desire to connect, to share in the things we love & to spark joy! That has always been the underlying reason I create. A deep, personal wish to capture the essence of magic and wonder. The gifted Nutcracker to Clara. The music box bestowed upon Anastasia. A black oilskin umbrella with a silver filigree handle, carefully unwrapped by Morrigan Crow. Beautiful, exotic, cleverly crafted pieces from countries, or worlds, far far away. That’s the mastery I am chasing.

Now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves! I am under no delusion that mere stickers deliver on this front. However, through this experimentation, I will improve my skill as an illustrator so that one day, I might just create something truly wonderful, beautiful and magical.

This is my focus for this blog, to develop my own concrete belief in the value of creativity. To shake my fear that it is simply a distraction from striving to meet the expectations of society – expectations that I often feel I fail to strive towards, let alone achieve.

Wish me luck, faith, and most importantly, perseverance. I’m going to need it.

THANK YOU for being here.

Fiona xx